Removing the VAR

Ryan: Guys, the VAR is a disgrace, I'm serious.

Jake: Here we go again...

Chris: No, no, but he's right. Before, the referee would make a mistake and the game would go on. Now they spend five minutes staring at a screen and end up calling whatever they feel like.

Luke: The other day they took seven minutes to decide if it was offside. In that time, I made myself a tortilla sandwich.

Jake: Come on, you're exaggerating.

Luke: I swear. I cracked the eggs, cooked them, sliced the bread, assembled it... and they were still drawing those damn lines.

Chris: Well, I saw a match where they took so long to review a penalty that by the time they resumed, one of the players had already retired and now owns a bar in Benidorm.

Jake: That's a lie.

Ryan: Don't rule it out.

Luke: But, seriously, how could we make the VAR faster?

Chris: Easy. We remove the cameras.

Jake: WHAT THE HELL?

Ryan: No, no, wait, I want to hear this.

Chris: Think about it: if there are no cameras, the referee has no pressure to review anything. They call what they see and move on. No more controversy.

Jake: That's not ending controversy, that's going back to when football was played with stone balls.

Luke: I have a better idea: instead of referees in the VAR, let's have grandmas with binoculars.

Jake: No.

Ryan: YES.

Chris: Now we're talking seriously.

Luke: Tell me the truth, have you ever seen a grandma get a moral judgment wrong?

Ryan: NEVER. My grandma once saw my cousin with wet hair and said, 'You're going to get sick.' Two days later, 102-degree fever and a snot factory.

Chris: Scientific proof.

Jake: That has NOTHING to do with it.

Luke: Dude, imagine a room with four grandmas watching the play, with their binoculars, a blanket on their laps, and saying things like, 'That kid flopped like he was hit by a tram.'

Ryan: And if they're unsure, they call a fifth grandma to break the tie.