Midnight Doping

2:14 AM.

Everyone should be asleep by now…

Except them

Charles: CALLED IT.

Tom: Called what? Why are you texting at this hour?

Charles: The doping scandal. A Belgian site just published an article.

Charles: html1.html|tododeporte.com/dopaje-fra/

Charles: Says it's a cyclist from UltraHuman Racing. Real subtle name.

Roger: UltraHuman? Sounds like gym supplements with liquid creatine.

Meredith: CAN SOMEONE EXPLAIN WHY YOU'RE TALKING AT 2 AM!?

Charles: Because they caught the yellow jersey doing something shady!

Tom: Shady like what? Does he turn into smoke?

Charles: 'Suspicious performance fluctuations.' Translation: he's got a nuclear reactor in his liver.

Roger: And no one questioned a team called UltraHuman Racing?

Meredith: This can't be happening.

Tom: Sounds like an illegal supplement brand.

Charles: Didn't you see his veins popping out?

Roger: That guy doesn't breathe—he prints oxygen.

Meredith: I have a meeting in 6 hours, you lunatics.

Tom: The Tour never sleeps.

Charles: Neither do we.

Roger: New record! 12 hours awake and 3 active conspiracy theories.

Meredith: I regret joining this group.

Charles: I said it on day one: that guy climbs mountains like they're escalators.

Tom: Literally looked like he had a jetpack.